6.16.2009

You might be a Redneck If....

Your wedding has a camouflage theme....
NO, this isn't some episode from CMT's My Redneck Wedding, but in fact a real deal Redneck Wedding right here in SW Virginia.
My co-worker's husband called her yesterday to inform her of the invite they received in the mail to her cousin's wedding (the groom). I knew it had to be good when she clasped her hand over her mouth to hide her hysterics and then started jotting down notes so she could make sure to remember to relay us all the details.
She finally informs us that her cousin, we'll call him Billy Bob, is getting married in late July to his longtime girlfriend, who we'll call Betty Jo. They already have a child together, so I guess they waited because they didn't want her walking down the aisle all preggers in her wedding dress. I mean, that would be so unlady like, not to mention kind of tacky.
First of all, the invite was printed on a full page with camouflage border. I tried so hard to scan it and show you, but it just wouldn't work, so this is what it says:
Billy Bob and Betty Jo
invites you to share in the Day of their Special Love for one another
with a Crazy Camoflage Wedding on
July 18, 2009
at there home at 2:00 pm
Dress in Camoflage or something comfortable
Please bring an outdoor chair and
your favorite dish if you like
RSVP by July 4th to...(insert phone number)
Leave Message
Direction to the house
Get on 81, take exit (insert number), (insert town name) exit
etc....
NO LIE!!!!! This is verbatum from the invitation. Spelling, grammar, punctuation, or lack there of! It had us choking back our cheerios this morning we were laughing so hard.
Ya'll think that's it, well, I've got more! Apparently, Billy Bob has NO TEETH. He had bad teeth, got them yanked a few years back by a quack dentist, went back to get something fixed, and the guy had retired!!!! Now, he does have dentures, but due to the bone fragments left in the bottom half of his mouth, he can only wear the top ones, and of course only for special occassions. I just would love to see this boy gummin' some wedding cake!
My friend is super duper excited to attend her dear ol' cousin's nuptuals in the hills of Virginia. We've already started planning her outfit. We are thinking of a camo skirt, matching headband and possibly a bright orange tanktop. I think the color will really complement her sunkissed skin with it being mid summer and all. Oh, and don't forget her combat boots. I think she might have to go to a surplus store for those. Gawd, I hope they have her size! She has tiny feet!
We even have her a back up date. You know, just in case her hubby and kids can't make it (or she doesn't want to subject her son and daughter to such a concept of non purity)! Our boss, the big man, is obsessed with the the CMT show, My Redneck Wedding. He is all about escorting if need be. He even has a big truck and some tractors, so you know they would make a grand entrance! Hell, he might even tag along with the whole famdamily as a distant cousin once removed from her dad's side (Billy Bob is on her mom's side) just to get a glimpse of this event. He has his outfit ready as well....it didn't take him long to come up with it.....overalls, straw hat, and bandana. Perfect if you ask me. I wonder if he'd go shirtless??? Hmmmmm, something to think about! He's really hoping for a tractor pull or mud pit!
Ok, so now the really important details. Proof! We've so kindly asked her to take TONS of pictures of this blessed event. I don't think the bride and groom will mind. I mean, everyone takes their own photos at weddings, so it wouldn't be out of the ordinary - not that anything else will be ordinary, so they probably wouldn't even notice.
Now, I guess we'll just have to help her decide what type of side dish to take. I really hope they give her a heads up on how many people are coming so she knows how much to make. She has some time for this, but its never to early to start pulling out the Martha Stewart's Best of Cookbook: Trailer Park Edition, to thumb through a few of your favorites!
This is a photo I found online. There is a whole slideshow set to a classic by good ol' Hank Williams, Jr., but I couldn't get it to post on here. If you go to http://www.youtube.com/ and search for redneck wedding, you should be able to find this fabulous video.
Oh, and yes, she gave me permission to post this. You can't judge too much, every family has "one". Billy Bob is hers!



3 comments:

OurFamily said...

I totally saw that episode, and holy crap! So much of my hopes that these people are just taking it to extremes because they want to be on tv, but deep down, I know I'm totally wrong!!!

JR911 said...

Oh dear Heavenly Father........that had me rolling on the floor about to pee my pants first thing in the morning. You just can't make that kind of stuff up!!!!!!!!!!

Kim said...

Who might this be???